


Not As Planned

by ZimVader0017



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Blind Date, Crowley and Anathema are best friends, Crowley is nice, Do not post to other sites, First Dates, First Meetings, Gen, Horticulturist!Crowley, Maggot Husbands, Newton is a sweetheart, Nonbinary Character, They/Them Pronouns for Crowley (Good Omens), Tumblr Prompt, Written for The Ineffable Con 2 Zine, but they're nice, don't tell them I said that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZimVader0017/pseuds/ZimVader0017
Summary: Tired of her friend AJ taking up her couch and drinking her wine and beer, Anathema decides to set them up for a blind date. Unbeknownst to her, her boyfriend Newton is doing the same thing for his old friend and sometimes boss, Avery. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you ask), not everything goes quite as planned.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Hastur/Ligur (Good Omens)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43
Collections: The Ineffable Con 2





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Finally was allowed to post this one. I was so excited when I was given the opportunity to feature in a zine.  
> This was based on the prompt by how-about-always on Tumblr submitted to otpprompts: https://otpprompts.tumblr.com/post/182821748232/person-a-and-person-b-are-acquaintances-through-a  
> *Ex partner left unidentified on purpose. The reader gets to decide who the ex partner is*

"Seriously, AJ, this will be good for you!" 

The tall and skinny person currently sulking in her living room just mumbled into their coffee. They would have preferred even the piss tasting beer the young American had in her fridge, but she had cut them off and forced the mug into their hands after they darn near drank an entire bottle of wine. 

The need to get ridiculously wasted was caused by, among other things, a stressful encounter with their ex partner. The jerk just appeared out of nowhere after years of not speaking to each other, claiming that he still loved them and that he wanted them back. After much yelling, he finally admitted that he was in deep trouble and that he needed them to pretend to still be his partner to convince those "problems" to leave him alone. Of course their answer was no, and when the jerk finally gave up on the door and left, AJ decided to take up temporary residence in Anathema's couch. 

"And how exactly would going out on a date with someone I don't know be good for me? If whoever you're thinking about turns out to be a serial killer, then it definitely wouldn't be good for me." 

Anathema rolled her eyes. 

"Do you really think that I would set you up with a serial killer? How long have you known me? I know how to read people."

This was true. She had a pretty frightening penchant for figuring out a person's intentions just by looking at them. She claimed that she could see people's auras. It got her the nickname "The Witch" during college where she met AJ. Now, she worked helping the local community with natural remedies and the occasional sensible advice. 

AJ met her during a general botany class. They hit it off right away, even if their interest in botany came from different places. While Anathema's goal was to learn medicinal botany, AJ was more into horticulture. They were the envy of the class as it seemed that they could bring back to life even the most damaged plant. It was as if the plants could talk to them, tell them what was wrong and how to fix it. Other students claimed that whenever AJ was near a plant, it would move towards them as if it were magnetized. 

AJ had brought Anathema a handful of medicinal herbs they had grown in their garden, a routine that was so engraved into their relationship that even in distress, AJ had carefully cut the stems and gently wrapped them in a humid cloth without even thinking of doing it. 

Anathema was examining said herbs while she waited for AJ to consider her suggestion. They were taking careful sips from the mug. It had been a while since they even attempted to talk to someone new, let alone go on a date. The encounter with their ex made them realize that they were in fact kinda lonely. They had made a few interesting acquaintances through Anathema and her boyfriend, but not for long enough to consider dating anyone. They gave a great sigh. 

"Alright, I allow it. I'll let you set me up on a blind date."

Anathema already had the most annoyingly smug smile on her face, they needed to remedy that.

"On one condition."

They watched with a measure of satisfaction how her smile went down like a lead balloon.

"If I don't return in the three hours this is supposed to take, call the police." 

"I'm not setting you up with a serial killer, AJ!" 

They ducked just in time just as one of the cushions used on the dining chairs flew towards their head. 

______________________

A young man sat in an old bookshop, handwriting labels and price tags. He was part timing for the owner who was also an old friend. He was tall and a bit clumsy, as pure hearted as they came, and his name was Newton. 

The bookshop owner looked like his exact opposite. While not on the short side, he was definitely shorter than Newton. He was a bit plump, but still stronger than he looked, for he carried books in his arms all day. He was also younger than he looked. Avery Zacharias Fell had the exact appearance one would get when picturing a bookseller from the late 19th century, and he preferred it that way.

"Afternoon, Newton! Would you like to accompany me for some tea?"

"Afternoon, sir! Of course, if it's no trouble. What if a customer comes in?"

"No trouble at all, my dear chap! Today's been rather slow. I don't believe a customer will come through those doors just because you got up from your seat."

Chuckling to himself, Avery went into the tiny kitchenette hidden away at the back of the shop to put the kettle on. Newton was the only person he shared his tea and biscuits with. He did have some acquaintances, but mostly it was people who he did business with. 

He hadn't had any personal relationships with anyone other than Newton and his girlfriend Anathema for a long while, and even though he was an introverted loner, he sometimes felt that he wanted something more. He cut ties with his family long ago when he came out as queer, only keeping contact with his mother when neither of them were busy with work. She was the only one from his family he could talk to without feeling like he was being judged harshly. 

"Mr. Fell?"

"Oh, honestly Newton, we've known each other for years!"

"Sorry, Avery. Um, I was wondering how you were doing."

"Why do you ask?" 

"Well, it wasn't on purpose, but I saw you staring off into space while reorganizing the books earlier. You seemed sad about something."

Avery paused. It's true that he was feeling more down than usual, but he didn't expect Newton to pick up on it so quickly. He always forgot how perceptive he was.

"To tell you the truth, I am feeling a bit lonely. Not that I don't appreciate your company, my dear, but I guess I'm craving something like what you and Anathema have."

Newton nodded slowly, intimately aware at how similar he had felt before he had the fortune of meeting the love of his life. 

"Would you be up for blind dating? Even if it doesn't end in anything, you might enjoy the company of someone new." 

Avery had no idea what blind dating was, and it showed clearly on his face. 

"Uh, blind dating is when you get set up with someone you have never met before to get to know them. If it goes well, you can go on more dates, and if not, you can decide if you want to keep in touch with the other person."

It was an idea for sure, although he felt that it could be a bit dangerous. His worry was quelled once Newton assured him that he knew just the person to introduce to him and that they weren't dangerous at all. 

And with that, both AJ and Avery had dates for the evening.


	2. The Meeting

Avery was nervously walking towards the cinema to meet his blind date, stopping every time he came upon a shop window to adjust his outfit. He had decided to forgo his usual 18th century type clothing for some smart cream slacks, a white button down shirt (sleeves rolled up) under a muted blue knitted vest. He fixed his curls as much as he could, but they refused to stay in the careful style he had tried to tame them into, going back to looking as if he had a fluffy blond cloud on his head.

He had stopped in front of a restaurant to once again fidget with his shirt, when a honk startled him. A beautiful antique car had parked in front of him and the window rolled down to show a person who looked faintly familiar. 

"Hi! You're looking pretty nervous. Are you here for a blind date?"

Avery squinted his eyes, wondering if the redhead was the date Newton had set up for him. 

"I…. Yes. Were you set up too?" 

"Yup"

From what he could see, the person in the car was very good looking. Completely androgynous in appearance, they had long curly red hair, high cheekbones and an angular face. He unfortunately could not make out their outfit.

"I guess I should see if I can finally find a parking space in this hellscape. I'll join you shortly, angel." 

And with that, the beautiful person drove off. Avery was too shocked about the sudden nickname that he completely forgot that the date was supposed to be at the cinema. 

______________________

On the other side of town Darrel Hastur had been making his way towards the cinema when he was suddenly sidetracked by the loveliest man he had ever seen. 

Said man was slightly shorter than him, dark skinned with a defined jaw and eyes so light they seemed to change colors depending on the illumination. 

He himself felt that he was decently attractive, but this guy standing in front of him was on another level. Darrel was the complete opposite, tall with a light complexion, dark eyes and hair so blond it was nearly white. He attempted to speak, croaked instead, cleared his throat while cursing his nicotine addiction, and tried again.

"You alright? I bumped into you pretty hard there."

And effectively, neither of them had been looking where they were going and quite literally ran into each other. Darrel managed to stay on his feet, but the poor beautiful man had fallen to the ground. 

"Yes, thank you. I'm okay. Nothing broken." 

He gave a charming smile.

"I'm Richard, by the way, Richard Ligur. And you?"

Darrel shook his hand. 

"Darrel Hastur. Where were you headed with such a hurry?"

"I could ask you the same thing. I was asked by a friend to go on a blind date for one of their other friends. I had been thinking of putting myself in the market, as the saying goes."

"Well, that's a funny coincidence. I was on my way to a blind date too. I got some cinema tickets. Would you like to come with me?"  
______________________

Meanwhile at the restaurant, Avery was trying very hard to not let his eyes wander over to his companion too much. He was failing spectacularly, although he didn't realize it. 

AJ however had noticed, and was in turn trying very hard to not preen over the attention. They knew they had picked the correct outfit for the evening: black slacks, burgundy silk blouse under a lovely dark suit jacket (unbuttoned), and heels that matched the blouse. The accessories were chosen to stand out: silver necklace with an elaborate snake pendant, matching earrings, and an expensive watch. The look was finished off with a stylish pair of Valentino sunglasses. 

Avery had been confused and slightly concerned about them, but AJ quickly explained that they had Coloboma, a condition of the eye that in addition to making the pupil look like it was dripping out, it caused light sensitivity. The sunglasses protected their eyes as well as kept people from gawking at them. 

Avery was very interested in the topic and decided to check if he could find books on the matter, which is how AJ finally recognized where they knew him from. 

"You're the bookseller! I knew I had seen you somewhere! You gave Newt his part time job." 

"You know Newton?"

"Yes! His girlfriend, Anathema, is my best friend! I think we met some years ago, at a party? We didn't get to talk much, though. It's a shame because at that time I had thought you were really cute."

Avery blushed sweetly and turned his attention back to his plate. 

"Small world, I guess. Were you set up by Anathema then?" 

A snort, "Yeah. I have to admit I was worried about the whole 'blind' part of the event, didn't know if I would become the target of some kidnapper." 

"A very valid worry. I was also a bit wary myself. I don't like to socialize that much, so going out without knowing what to expect was nerve wracking to me. I'm glad we actually do know each other, even if it's just our faces." 

"Oh, yes! Wow, I'm so sorry! We haven't even introduced ourselves, have we? I'm AJ Crowley, pronouns They/Them. I'm a horticulturist with a large garden. I provide my community with fresh produce and herbs, free of charge. All I ask is for the kids to stay in school and gain their knowledge, you know?" 

Avery shook the offered hand, utterly fascinated by AJ's selfless attitude towards their garden. 

"Ah, I'm Avery Zacharias Fell, pronouns He/Him. As you may know already, I'm the owner of the AZ Fell Bookshop where I repair and resell antique and rare works of literature. Although Newton would disagree on the 'reselling' part." 

He chuckled nervously. AJ thought it was adorable. Avery was adorable. Just like an angel. 

"By the way, I'm sorry about that nickname earlier. You just looked pretty bright under the streetlights, and your hair kinda forms a halo around your head. The first thing that came to my mind was 'He looks like an angel who came down to bless the Earth'. If I was too forward, I apologize."

"Oh, it was no trouble at all! You just took me by surprise. I have never been called by a nickname before."

"Really? So I gave you your first nickname, angel? Well, I'm honored."

AJ pushed their sunglasses down their nose for a short while and Avery was greeted by a lovely amber colored eye winking suavely at him before disappearing behind dark glass again.

Avery resisted the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl, as he was definitely not a schoolgirl. But he sure felt like it. A blushing schoolgirl, even though he was in his early forties. He fought his blush and took another sip of wine. 

"So, what made you accept going out on a date?" 

AJ took another sip of their own wine while they mulled it over. 

"My toxic ex came around to beg me to return to him even though we haven't even spoken in years. Turns out the jerk had made some terrible dealings with equally terrible people, and was seeking for a place to hide. He expected me to let him live with me until they stopped searching for him, but of course I told him no. I was already feeling bummed out because I felt like something was missing in my life, and he goes barging in trying to get back into it. Anathema was the one who told me to give dating a chance again since it's been so long."

Avery made a low noise of understanding.

"Newton had gotten worried because I've been looking melancholy lately according to him. Same reason as you, I felt lonely and a tiny bit jealous of his relationship with Anathema. I had never done anything like this yet, so it was daunting. I'm glad that we actually did know about one another previously. I don't know if I would still be sitting here at this table if you were a complete stranger." 

"Does that mean that we can have a second date? Of course, we could still extend this one, but I'm a bit dumb and told Anathema that if I didn't return in three hours to call the police, so…."

This time Avery did not manage to hide the giggle. 

"Of course, my dear. It's a date!"

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. I don't have a beta, but I read through this until my eyes hurt. That being said, if something looks off or there's a typo, don't hesitate to let me know. English isn't my first language and British English is a bit different from US English, so again, I won't feel bad if you point out any mistakes you see.


End file.
